weight loss tips

first of all, let me say 'congratulations' for realizing that you need to do something about your weight.

that's the first step. now here are some things you can do about it!

1. shut your piehole. no, seriously. keep it shut.

2. try to keep it down to three meals a day. no, you won't die if you don't snack.

3. stay away from all food. clearly you can't not eat food if it's within reaching distance,
so maybe you shouldn't be allowed to be in the same room as it.

4. get off of the goddamn couch. stop bitching about how fat you are and go for a walk you lazy fuck!